Tuesday, October 28, 2003
Bob Kauffmann used to give his 14-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter one option when it came to doing chores or their homework: "Do it, now."
Now, he gives them choices and lets them decide when they want to get the work done.
"When they get into real world on their own, they've already got experience with mistakes and responsibility, so they can make better choices and realize there are consequences," said Kauffmann, a loan officer at First National Bank of the Rockies.
In June, Hayden School District Superintendent Scott Mader gave Kauffmann an audio copy of Jim Fay and David Funk's "Teaching with Love and Logic," a book that Mader distributed to each of the teachers in the school district.
The book teaches adults how to discipline children while giving them choices, Mader said.
The Hayden School District will host a "Love and Logic" presentation from 7 to 9 p.m. Monday in the Hayden High School auditorium, with a guest speaker from the Love and Logic Institute in Golden, school psychologist, author and Love and Logic consultant Dr. Charles Fay. Admission is $5.
Mader has used the Love and Logic teachings in his own household.
"It destroys the myth that if you're going to discipline a kid, you have to do it now," Mader said.
"You can say, 'we'll discuss this after class' or 'after company leaves.' Instead of disciplining the child immediately in front of the class or company, letting them know in front of the whole class, they know they will have to talk about it later. It gives the child time to rationalize their actions."
First Impressions of Routt County, a group that consists of parents and child-care providers worked to get Fay to speak in Hayden.
Former First Impressions member Medora Fralick was involved in getting booking Fay for the presentation.
"We wanted to get a big name here to get parents and educators more involved," Fralick said. "(Love and Logic) gives tools to teach children to make choices at a young age. It's a different world today than when we grew up. There are a lot of things kids face in the world today, and parents need to learn to let their children take ownership of their choices."
"It teaches (people) to treat kids as having a brain in them, which they do. It eliminates combative relationships and gives parents more skills on how to deal with certain situations. Parents will be able to walk away (from the presentation) with some really great info."
Many of the teachers in the Hayden School District have read the book and attended workshops teaching the Love and Logic methods, Mader said.
"With parenting, teenagers will say, 'I'm not going to do the dishes,' but in 24 hours, they will need something from us," Mader said. "Love and Logic teaches that you don't have to get in power struggles with children.
"Everybody likes to have a little control over their lives. Nobody really likes to be directly told what to do."
"Prior to listening to 'Love and Logic,' I was on a power trip," Kauffmann said. "Now sometimes, it makes sense to let them go out while it is still light out. It's been working pretty good just letting them know they have responsibility for their actions."